Recently, I have been blessed with finding several amazing and supportive groups and blog families online. Although I love them and the comfort they can bring, they can also tear you to pieces. Seeing so many sweet children struggling is heartbreaking, especially when our minds like to think that childhood diseases are rare.
I told my husband that while I value these groups so very much, I didn't know if my heart could take being a part of them. After a week of catching me sobbing into my phone as another mother asked to be moved to the bereavement group, he started to agree.
I began to think goodness, if my girl (heaven forbid) ever got worse, I don't think I could share her story any longer. I say any longer, because although Scarlett is no where near as sick as some of these sweet angels... I put a lot of my emotions on you, on here, already.
I began to feel terrible. I wondered if maybe that is why I often hear: "I don't know HOW you share Scarlett's updates/photos online.” For a while now, I have agreed. I don’t even know how/why I do. Yet, at night, when I cannot sleep, I find myself mindlessly sharing my day.
Tonight, while putting my sweet girl to bed and staring at her little face (because moms do weird things like that), I realized why I share and why it sometimes bothers you. So to those parents that cringe at my posts, I get it. I absolutely do. No one wants to open their newsfeed and see a sick child, or hear someone has passed, or watch someone struggle. That just means we are good people and we have hearts. Yet, please know and understand WHY I share. Why we share. We share, because we are moms. We love our children. We want to remember every moment of their childhoods and capture as many as we can. We are proud of them and everything they accomplish- whether that is learning to kick a soccer ball or opening their eyes after a difficult surgery. These pictures are pictures of our children's childhoods, of them fighting, and of them making us proud.
What I wouldn't give to share photos of the Disney trip we had to cancel, of the countless birthday parties we have had to miss, and the pool days we have had to refrain from. Yet, that is not our current journey. Our girl's childhood and many of the other sick childrens' in this world, look quite different. We do not share our stories and ups and downs for pity. We share them, because just like you, we are parents and for far too many parents, these photos and these memories (although ugly), are all they get.
So, keep posting mamas. Share your healthy and sick days. Share your ups and downs. We understand.